also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
