Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
