She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
