she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
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