What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
