if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
People in love make me want to vomit
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
