Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
