Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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