Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize