At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
