Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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