Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
