I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
