i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
