Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
