he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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