elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize