we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How does it feel to date your dad?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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