Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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