Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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