If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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