dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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