Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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