Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
