you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
