i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
