apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
