I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
