I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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