loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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