Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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