There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
