Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
