Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
worst night to have a conscience
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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