I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
i think im in europe. pls send help
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
