I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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