Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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