He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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