somebody snuck up and got me drunk
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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