I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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