I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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