so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
