i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
