bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize