last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
