Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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