I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
