You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she told me i tasted like america
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
