never play flip cup with pint glasses
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize