drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
