i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
