I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
