If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
