I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
