True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
