If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize