So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
