I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
