Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
soo... how was my night?
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