Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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