someone get that fucking seahorse.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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