If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
