I am in a vortex of obligation.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
