oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
