I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She even gives head with a lisp.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
