You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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