Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
