Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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