What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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