Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
