Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
