so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well you can't waste a boner
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
