Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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