I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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