I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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