i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
