lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
