i just wanna soil my oats bro
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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