did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
