So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize