Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
