I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
