Someone shit on the floor
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
