just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
