her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
