Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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