so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
