I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
