90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize