but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
