And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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