Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just found puke in my bra..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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