the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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