am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
